Yes, yes. What can I tell you? When Britain’s royal charter broadcaster asks one to address the nation, live, coast-to-coast, well, one simply has to adopt a stiff upper lip and step up to the plate.

Although one perhaps didn’t expect the request to come via Twitter. Still, a nice lady called Laura used the platform of spittle-flecked CAPS-LOCK warriors’ choice to ask if I’d be prepared to speak on Nihal’s afternoon show today with some other guests (who are of lesser importance I’m sure) regarding hot topics relating to the trades.


Not that those topics turned out to be too hot, nor am I one to blow my own trumpet, after all, the wife can better toot tunes out of my ol’ pink oboe (yip yip!), nonetheless this isn’t the first time one has been asked to part sage advice to the great unwashed via the AM waves of the wireless. That said, the invitation when last offered was declined.

This time however, the request was carefully assessed and considered, implications were factored in, the weight of one’s words of wisdom were weighed, and, in the end, one came to the conclusion to fuck it all and have a jolly good bash at it for... y'know... shits and giggles.

Well, what the hell, it’s like that time I was asked to appear on the front cover of a magazine – these things are unlikely in life, so you may as well do it when it lands like seagull shit in your chips.

Oh, and I didn’t swear or anything… although the totality of about two minutes of my babbing in a broadcast that itself went on for an hour perhaps added little that would ever see me invited back.

Still, it was nice to talk directly to Nihal. I used to listen to his Bhangra show with Bobby Friction on Radio 1 back in the mid-Noughties. I know I wasn’t the target audience, but I like a bit of Bhangra beat all the same.

Bobby and Nihal
Oh shit. This makes me feel old. Was 2005 that long ago?

Anyway, it gave me an opportunity to make some signed snaps for the lads out on site now that I’m a media personality and everything.


So do keep an eye out for my appearing on The One Show sometime soon. Or Strictly. Or that load of old bollocks Ant and Dec piss out every year. Or something.